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Managing Thanksgiving: A Practical Guide for Recovery
Written by Amanda Turco, LPC
Thanksgiving can be a wonderful day spending time with loved ones, taking time off work, making gratitude lists, and eating beloved comfort foods. It can also offer a plethora of challenges for people who are in eating disorder recovery. Shifts in routine, a day-long focus on different foods than you usually eat, diet-talk galore…there’s a reason we spend time talking about your Thanksgiving plan in therapy if you’re in the recovery boat! Today, I’ve put together some of our go-to tips to support yourself during Thanksgiving. These are helpful for people dealing with eating disorders, but they may also be helpful for anyone looking for more balance and mental health support during the holiday.
Remember to eat before the Thanksgiving dinner.
When you are in recovery, it is extra important to eat regularly throughout the day to maintain your energy and nutritional needs. On Thanksgiving in particular, lots of people talk about “saving calories” for dinner. Even for people who don’t restrict, Thanksgiving can be a day where they wait all day to have their first meal. This often increases anxiety and preoccupation around the meal, can increase the likelihood of binging and overeating, which can then lead to feelings of guilt and shame, often followed by the pressure to restrict the next day. That’s a lot, huh? One of the quickest antidotes to this cycle is to eat regularly, just like any other day. Have breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner. Extra bonus points for trying your best not to label the food as “good” or “bad” and listening to your hunger cues.
Set boundaries with your family/ friends.
We all probably have that one (or two!) people at Thanksgiving who love to engage in diet talk during the holiday. They might comment on your body, their body, or spend way too much time focusing on what’s on everyone else’s plate. Maybe they talk about how “bad” they’re being, the calories in a slice of pie, or other all-too-familiar diet nonsense.
While you can’t control what others say, we can control how you’ll respond. Think ahead about who your support people are and let them know specifically how they can help. Maybe they’ll be the person who steers the conversation elsewhere, reminds you to take a few deep breaths, or goes on a quick walk with you if you need a break.
If you feel ready and comfortable, standing up for yourself and your recovery can sometimes stop the diet talk most effectively. That said, it’s okay if you’re not ready for that yet. Setting boundaries looks different for everyone. What matters is finding the approach that feels right for you this holiday and honoring that.
Don’t get stuck in social comparison and wear something you feel comfortable in!
Instagram and TikTok are being flooded with outfit inspiration for the holidays, get ready with me’s, and how to create your perfect holiday aesthetic videos. This can be fun to escape into and gain inspiration from, but it can also be super overwhelming and create a lot of social comparison and anxiety around what you look like. Our go to advice on a more stressful food day is to stay comfortable! Having clothes that dig into your belly after you eat or a dress that’s tight on your ribs can bring more attention to your body and increase feelings of “fatness” or emotional distress. Pick something that is comfortable, makes you feel like your cutest self, and is nice to wear all day. If you find you’re constantly scrolling looking at other people’s picture-perfect days, set some social media boundaries and remember: it’s a moment, it’s not the full picture. Find ways to stay mindfully present and care for yourself – it helps.
Find things to do before/ after the meal that is not surrounding food talk
Does your family sit around at the table after you eat and talk about how full you feel and how you will need to “work it off?” You’re not alone! A successful meal will probably include facing some fear foods or breaking some food rules, so odds are you will have an increase of anxiety after the fact. Find things to focus on after dinner so you are able to distract a bit as you digest. Maybe you do a puzzle, watch a holiday movie, or play a family game. You could take a journal and spend some time processing before you jump into the fray again. Having a plan ahead of time can help because when your SUDS (subjective units of distress) are up, it can be hard to figure out what you need in the moment.
It’s okay to feel full!
I’m going to say it again: feeling full is okay!!! It can be such a hard physical experience for people, especially if they have learned to think of fullness as failure. Eating enough so your body is satisfied – or even overly satisfied! – has nothing to do with your value or worth. So if you are feeling full and anxious about that, know that it’s normal and perfectly fine. Being full or eating a piece of pie (or even three) does not mean you need to restrict or do anything the next day to make up for what you consumed the day before. Instead, the best thing you can do is have a regular, normal, boring eating day the next day: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, and typical movement. Nothing extra. Just like some of our other advice, writing a plan out ahead of time can be really helpful! Even if your thoughts and eating disorder are screaming at you, doing the next best thing is the foundation of recovery.
To finish, I want to talk a little bit about what happens if all the plans fail. What do you do if you weren’t able to use any of your skills or follow your plan and fall into eating disorder behaviors? Say it with me: forgive yourself and focus on doing the next best thing.Eating disorder recovery is already incredibly hard work, and food-centered holidays can feel like leveling up to expert mode. Even if all the plans fall apart, you didn’t fail or ruin your hard work. It’s just a little slip back, and what you do next matters most. Reach out to your supports, put the systems in place to make sure you eat and care for yourself (grocery delivery, perhaps??), and take good care. Remember: Thanksgiving is just one day. You’ll make it through, and every year will bring new things – and ease – as you move further along in recovery. If you are struggling and need help, reach out. We’re here for you when you need it.
